Will You Survive... The Podcast
Immerse yourself in the world of cinema as we embark on a journey to equip you with the skills to tackle any disaster head-on. Through the lens of thrilling tales, particularly those of the zombie apocalypse, we'll unravel the secrets of preparedness. Join us as we explore the silver screen to empower you for the challenges that lie ahead.
Will You Survive... The Podcast
The Survivors Auction: A Carnival of Horrors
Ever wondered what survival gear you'd choose if your life depended on it? In this uniquely structured episode, Alex and TJ face an auction house scenario where their survival coins must be spent strategically on unexpected items – from anxiety-ridden tracking dogs to family-sized Hot Cheetos.
The premise quickly unfolds into absurdist comedy as our contestants build their survival loadouts through competitive bidding wars. "I can't believe I just paid 12 survival dollars for beans," Alex laments, while TJ secures a rusty machete that grants "plus one unspookiness" – a quality that proves surprisingly valuable when the scenario is revealed: surviving a haunted carnival until dawn.
What makes this episode particularly entertaining is watching our hosts justify how their random assortment of items provides survival advantages. TJ's controversial decision to consume his emotional support raccoon to "absorb its powers" leads to heated debates about the mechanics of such abilities. Meanwhile, Alex cleverly uses his fish-smelling tarp to repel ghosts and his Hot Cheetos to create diversions.
The competition takes unexpected turns with dice rolls introducing plot twists – TJ gains the ability to double-jump like Mario, while Alex finds himself transported to the eerie Backrooms dimension. Their passionate arguments about whether someone who has absorbed raccoon powers would be attracted to Hot Cheetos showcase the show's signature blend of ridiculous logic and committed roleplaying.
Whether you're a survival enthusiast or just love watching friends argue about imaginary scenarios with increasing intensity, this episode delivers laughs while subtly making you consider what resources you'd prioritize in a crisis. Subscribe now and join the debate about whether Crocs are edible (spoiler: they're definitely not).
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Hello survivors and welcome to another episode of Will you Survive? The Podcast. Today I'm going to bring my two contestants, alex that's me and TJ.
Speaker 2:What the fuck is up, Kyle?
Speaker 1:There is no, kyle, but we are going to an auction, guys.
Speaker 3:Okay, Jimmy.
Speaker 1:Not again.
Speaker 3:Okay we're going to move past that.
Speaker 2:Warning I'm black. Warning, it was just a joke. Warning.
Speaker 3:That was ridiculous.
Speaker 1:I do want to mention that we are recording this on the 4th of July.
Speaker 3:Yes, we are.
Speaker 1:To freedom With that irony and humor also just a warning that there may be fireworks in our mics.
Speaker 3:It's true.
Speaker 1:It might not come through. Oh yeah, they will.
Speaker 2:It'll come through mine, guaranteed so yeah, we'll see.
Speaker 1:Are you guys ready? Because so I've I. I texted you guys about this idea, but I gave you guys very little details. Are you guys ready to experience this?
Speaker 3:yeah, but you didn't text me about an idea. You said you had a concept of an idea.
Speaker 1:No, I said I had concepts of a plan, concepts of a plan.
Speaker 2:I mean, that sounds super fleshed out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, wait till you guys see it. I feel like you guys are going to actually be impressed by this, and then you're going to feel so silly.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, are we ready? I'm ready. Okay, this is broken up into acts. I'm ready, Alex, Act one the auction house. The Auction House. The Auction House. Welcome to the Auction House.
Speaker 2:All right, I thought it was going to be. Jeopardy for a second. I thought you stole my idea That'd be hilarious.
Speaker 1:Each of you have been given by me, your lovely government and central bank, 100 survivor coins. Okay, okay, I am going to list 10 different survival items, one at a time, yep, and you two will bid on said items with your coins to build your loadout. Okay, are we ready? I?
Speaker 1:am ready, ready Okay 100 coins, you say Hang on, I need a way to keep track of your guys' points. Two seconds, I didn't think about this, I thought of everything else. I thought of everything else. Okay, first item Are we ready, ready? First up, we have a lovely rusty machete named Cuddles. Let's start the bid at one coin. We got one coin.
Speaker 2:Three coins.
Speaker 1:Three coins for TJ. Three coins for TJ.
Speaker 3:Three coins for TJ going once 3.2 coins, no four coins.
Speaker 1:Four coins for Alex. Four coins for Alex.
Speaker 2:Five coins.
Speaker 1:Five coins for TJ. Five coins for TJ. Can we get seven? Can we get seven coins? No Five, you don't want to go anymore. No Going once, going twice. Alright, our rusty machete named Cuddles goes to TJ for five coins. Congratulations, tj.
Speaker 3:I'm getting a shiny, bright, beautiful kukuri Just had to get it.
Speaker 1:I do suggest that you guys keep track of your items. I will also keep track of your items, but it will help if you keep track of yours as well. The second item we have coming in oh, this one's a doozy, this one's a good one. We have a bag of hot Cheetos and it is a family size. Can we start the bid at at one coin? One coin, one survivor coin, one survivor coin.
Speaker 1:I'll do one coin okay, one coin for alex. Can we get two coins? Can we get two coins? Two coins, two coins, tj. Two, two, two. You are still muted.
Speaker 2:Two coins I'm not even saying anything. Two coins two coins.
Speaker 1:Yep, two coins. Oh okay, two coins for tj, two coins for tj for the hot cheetos. These are in hot commodity. This is a family size. This is big, big bang for your buck can we get three coins?
Speaker 3:yeah?
Speaker 1:can we get three coins from alex, three coins?
Speaker 3:yeah, I'll do three coins, three coins for alex.
Speaker 1:Can we get four coins from tj, four coins for tj, four coins, four coins going once, three coins going twice, three coins sold to Alex, who gets a bag of Hot Cheetos.
Speaker 2:I got you bitten high for them. Hot Cheetos Guys. Just so you know, this is sponsored by this new coin we found it's called Survivor Coin.
Speaker 1:Has our logo on it and everything.
Speaker 2:Not even affiliated, but we are sponsored by them. Make sure to go over there and buy some, because it's going to be so worth it in the future.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go to overtherecom, overtherecom. All right, that was for three coins, right.
Speaker 3:Now give me the Cheetos or I'll use the machete.
Speaker 1:Okay, you now have a bag of Hot Cheetos, family size, in your possession. Item number three Rolling out in the cart we have a beautiful waterproof tarp that smells like fish. Fish smelling tarp. Going for two coins, two coins. Anybody. Two coins, two coins can we go one, two coins oh, two coins for alex. Can we get three coins from tj?
Speaker 2:three coins from tj I was wondering when alex put his blanket up for auction, but two coins going once two coins going twice my towel two coins sold to alex
Speaker 1:wow, you guys are you guys are getting these for so cheap. You have a hundred. If you expect the items to get better, you should. You should maybe start bidding differently. What did I? Bid for my machete uh, five, okay, which is crazy, by the way yeah very crazy.
Speaker 2:I didn't want him to have it. Now he has fucking hot Cheetos and a smelly tarp. It's crazy that I went for five All right, I guess he can't use that tarp for navigation, though that's a pretty good, I knew it.
Speaker 1:Tarp is square, square equals map. I knew it was going to come around to that one night. You, you just wait. Number four we have rolling out here on the cart a solar-powered charger.
Speaker 3:Solar-powered charger.
Speaker 1:Can we start the bid off with five, maybe Five coins?
Speaker 2:I didn't know. Dodge made an electric version of their charger.
Speaker 1:For the solar-powered charger. Can we get five coins? Can we get three coins, Three coins from anybody?
Speaker 3:I'll do two coins, two coins from Alex.
Speaker 1:Okay, can we get three coins? Three coins from anybody. I'll do two coins. Two coins from Alex. Okay, can we get three coins from TJ? Three coins for TJ? I'll do four. Four coins for Alex, four coins for. Alex Five coins for TJ. Can we get six coins? I'll get six coins Six coins from Alex, can we get seven? Can we get seven from TJ? Going once Six coins, going twice Six coins sold Seven coins.
Speaker 2:I have a feeling at the end of this he's going to be like you do not survive. You are the weakest link.
Speaker 1:Goodbye, I already decided Okay, this next item is a big one, this is a big one. I expect a lot of money or not, I guess it kind of just depends on you guys. But are we ready?
Speaker 3:Yep.
Speaker 1:Yep Yep 10 coins. Fifth item let's bring out a dog with anxiety but excellent tracking skills. A dog with anxiety, but excellent tracking skills. Tj started the bit off with 10 coins. Can we get 15? 15.? Can we get 15? 10 coins going?
Speaker 3:once I'll go 12 coins 12 coins for Alex.
Speaker 1:Can we get more? 12 coins going. 13 coins from TJ. Can we get any more than 13? Can we get more than 13? 13 going once, 13 coins going twice. 13 coins sold to TJ. Who gets a dog with anxiety?
Speaker 3:That is awesome. That dog is going to give away your location every chance it gets. I'll name him me.
Speaker 1:His name is Scooby.
Speaker 2:It's me the dog.
Speaker 1:That's pretty funny, and you, the cat yeah.
Speaker 3:Oh damn, James just went hard in the comments and said food.
Speaker 2:For auction the dog oh.
Speaker 1:There's a kitten on screen. Next item, we have pulling up on the cart a single crock. It is the left one.
Speaker 2:What size?
Speaker 1:It is a ten and a half and we start the bid off with one coin.
Speaker 2:They're edible. You know that the fuck crocs are edible?
Speaker 1:I don't. I don't think that's true.
Speaker 2:They're non-toxic look look it up right now, non-toxic does not mean edible.
Speaker 1:They're edible. That just means it's not toxic. It doesn't mean that it's edible. Can we have a let's? This is completely irrelevant to this conversation, okay this is absolutely ridiculous. No, they're not edible I can't believe I'm letting this get derailed by this crocs are not edible and should not be consumed. They contain no nutrients that are madefrom a foam material called Cross Light which is intended solely for footwear. Yeah, in what world would a croc be edible?
Speaker 2:I feel like I heard something about something that was edible, you know.
Speaker 1:We're selling these crocs. Can we get a bid going off on one coin? One coin, one coin for anybody.
Speaker 2:Oh wait, hang on, I forgot to subtract. He said one croc.
Speaker 1:What was it? 12 coins, did he just 13. It was 13? For the dog.
Speaker 2:Yeah 13.
Speaker 1:Okay, what does that put you at 82. All right, the single crock. One coin, anybody. We can also just pass on it if we want. But 0.1 of a coin you can only bet in whole numbers.
Speaker 2:Okay, half a coin 0.5 you drive a hard bargain, but 75 of a coin no coins.
Speaker 1:This is not crypto.
Speaker 3:This is how that works zero down and zero a month for a very long time. Can I exchange?
Speaker 1:them the worst deal in this country's history.
Speaker 2:Can I exchange them with a different currency?
Speaker 3:No, Can I exchange it for the?
Speaker 1:right crock. No, well, if you can find it.
Speaker 3:I cannot find it.
Speaker 2:I will give you your underwear back if you give me the crock.
Speaker 1:Do you want to roll to see if you can find it?
Speaker 3:Do I want to roll to see how much it's going to cost me Roll? I don't know if I want to buy it.
Speaker 2:I feel like you really want to sell this croc 18.
Speaker 1:You find the right croc underneath your seat. I have the right croc.
Speaker 3:I have the power.
Speaker 1:Left croc for sale. One coin, one coin. One coin going to Alex.
Speaker 2:Can I roll to stab him with a machete to get the other croc? No, it's rusty, you can't it's rusty from the blood of my enemies.
Speaker 3:You just bought it, you haven't used it on your enemies liar.
Speaker 1:I will say that there is a section where you will be able to do something of that sort, but that is not this. Hey, bro, bro, spoilers the fuck okay, one, one coin going, once, one coin. I said one coin you can't bet the same amount, you gotta bet more. Why not we? Can we write paper scissors? That's not how an auction works. Two coins, one coin going twice. Two coins to tj. I can't believe. I let him have that, I'm sorry. Two coins to tj, two coins going once, somehow I'm size 14 for the right you're trying to sell it.
Speaker 3:yes, it's under my seat it doesn't even.
Speaker 2:I can't even wear it. Do you want to buy the right croc? I can't even wear them. I'm size 14.
Speaker 3:You, son of a bitch, you're just buying them for no reason.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Two coins going twice again somehow.
Speaker 3:Go ahead, I don't want that shit.
Speaker 1:Two coins the left croc is sold to TJ.
Speaker 3:You just spent two coins on a croc you can't wear.
Speaker 1:And Alex has a right croc, I guess you can you just can't wear it in sport mode. It is not edible.
Speaker 2:I can use it to filter water. There are holes on it.
Speaker 3:The dog is edible.
Speaker 2:Somebody please, james said so you put, like rocks, and sand, in a croc and then you pour it through, and then they'll pour through the seventh item. Rolling out is a grappling hook I can't pull myself up, I can't do fucking pull-ups.
Speaker 1:Take that shit it magically pulls you up for you oh it is like batman's grappling hook.
Speaker 2:One coin what?
Speaker 1:the One coin. Okay, two, two coins. You guys are the most stingiest fucking bettors. Two coins.
Speaker 2:Go ahead, Alex.
Speaker 1:Three coins for TJ. Four coins for Alex.
Speaker 2:Five coins, can I hear?
Speaker 1:five, five coins for TJ Six. Six coins for Alex. Can I hear seven, eight, eight coins for TJ? Six, six coins for Alex? Can I hear seven, eight, eight coins for TJ? Wow, big spender. Nine, nine, oh God, these guys. Twelve For Alex, twelve for TJ, we're getting there. Twelve for TJ, thirteen, thirteen for Alex.
Speaker 2:Fourteen Can we?
Speaker 1:hear fifteen. Fourteen for TJ. Can we hear more than 15? 19 for TJ in the legal range.
Speaker 2:That was crazy Wow.
Speaker 3:I loved it. I loved it.
Speaker 2:You heard it here first, here first, guys, I'm gonna fuck the grappling hook at 19 can I hear 20 no, too old, grandma, too old oh boy okay, so 19 I toast.
Speaker 1:Oh boy, Okay, so 19? I toast who even bet?
Speaker 2:19? I don't even remember. I bet 19.
Speaker 3:In the legal range. Okay, going once, going twice.
Speaker 1:Okay, so the DJ got the 19-year-old grappling hook Score.
Speaker 3:No wonder why it could pull you up on its own. Has it ever been?
Speaker 2:shot before. No, let's go Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, let's go Okay.
Speaker 2:Oh fuck, now for a commercial break, they're here who the zombies?
Speaker 1:I thought the gate would stop them. They knocked it down instantly.
Speaker 3:How much time do we have? They're already here, we should have bought that beautiful Los Angeles dream house in that safe neighborhood that Corinne showed us.
Speaker 1:I know it was so much more defensible and Corinne would have had us moved in before the apocalypse.
Speaker 3:Do you think it's too late to call her now? I'll try, no, no. We should have called Corinne sooner. Don't wait until it's too late. Call Corinne Salas today at 714-510-6443, and buy your Los Angeles dream house now. That's 714-510-6443. You can also find her on Instagram at nexthomebycorinne, or visit her website at corinnesalasnexthomegrandviewcom. That's C-O-R-I-N-N-E-S-A-L-A-S. Dot. Nexthomegrandviewcom.
Speaker 1:Okay, the eighth item coming out onto the floor is an emotional support raccoon.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:His name is Rocket.
Speaker 3:Does it?
Speaker 2:talk Does it speak English.
Speaker 1:Can we get the bid? No, he's just a raccoon. Can we start the bid at 10 coins, 10 coins.
Speaker 3:I'll go 10 coins.
Speaker 1:Alex for 10 coins Do I hear more than 10? 11 coins for TJ Do I hear 12, 10 coins? Alex for 10 coins Do I hear more than 10? 11 coins for TJ Do I hear 12?
Speaker 3:12.
Speaker 1:12 coins for Alex Do I hear 13?. 13. 13 for TJ Do I hear 14?
Speaker 2:You know, alex, if you do buy this, it's kind of racist, because I'm going to go 15.
Speaker 1:He really wants it 15 coins for. Alex 16 coins for TJ.
Speaker 3:The question is is it black with gray or gray with black 17.
Speaker 1:17.
Speaker 3:Not a legal range, nope, just barely under. But I can wait.
Speaker 1:That's.
Speaker 3:That.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, guys, we're getting into dangerous territory I feel like, I led us astray. It was one bad joke, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:I didn't mean to.
Speaker 2:It was a great joke Down this road.
Speaker 1:Absolutely not 18 for TJ.
Speaker 3:I'll go 18.
Speaker 1:No, he did 18. You did yeah, I'll go 18. No, he did 18.
Speaker 3:You did.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I just said 17. I didn't know you overbid me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he said 18.
Speaker 3:Huh.
Speaker 1:He's at least not denying it, but I'm pretty sure I heard him say 18.
Speaker 3:Huh, 18 going once 19.
Speaker 1:19 for Alex, 20. 20 for TJ.
Speaker 3:Well.
Speaker 1:Going once.
Speaker 3:They can buy their own drink 21.
Speaker 1:21. 22. 22 for TJ. Do I hear 23? 22 going once, 22 going twice 20.
Speaker 2:22 sold.
Speaker 1:Damn it Fuck.
Speaker 2:How much was the grappling hook? 19. 19, that's right, oh, that's not math.
Speaker 1:Wait, hang on, hang on, this is too much difficult math for me. Here we go. And then this one was 22. All right, so TJ gets. One was 22. Alright, so TJ gets the emotional support raccoon or the emo sup raccoon.
Speaker 2:He rides on my anxiety dog with a grappling hook.
Speaker 1:He's got a whole zoo going on.
Speaker 2:He also wears the left croc as a mask.
Speaker 1:The ninth item to roll out onto the floor Two coins. We have three cans of beans. Can we start the bid off at one coin?
Speaker 3:What kind of beans?
Speaker 1:Interesting question. I do have that written down One pinto, one black and one garbanzo.
Speaker 3:Three coins Three coins, four coins.
Speaker 1:Four coins for TJ for the ilk beans. Five, four coins. Four coins for tj for the beans, five coins, five coins for tj for alex, six coins for tj. Do I hear seven? Seven seven coins for the beans, for alex eight. Do I hear more than seven? Eight for tj ten ten for alex, eleven, eleven, eleven for TJ. Do I hear 12? 12. 12 for Alex. Do I hear 13?
Speaker 2:I'm going once. I just paid 12 fucking survival dollars for beans 12 sold.
Speaker 3:It's in the apocalypse. I got a dog for 13. It's worth it.
Speaker 1:That is crazy.
Speaker 3:It's an anxiety-ridden dog that sounds ridiculous.
Speaker 2:I was going to say something else.
Speaker 3:I don't have to cook my anxiety ridden beans.
Speaker 1:The last item to roll out onto the floor is a functional walkie talkie. What the fuck am I going?
Speaker 2:to talk to.
Speaker 1:Can we start the bid off at one coin One, one for TJ. Do I hear two, two, two for Alex. Do I hear two, two, two for Alex. Do I hear three Hip, three for TJ. Do I hear four they?
Speaker 2:always have a fucking random noise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's kind of like similar to tennis players Hip Five coins. Five coins for TJ? Do I hear six? Do I hear seven for Alex Seven? Do I hear eight for TJ? Do I hear 7 for Alex 7.? Do I hear 8 for TJ Weep? Do I hear 9 for Alex?
Speaker 3:15.
Speaker 1:15 for Alex. Do I hear 20?
Speaker 2:16. The fuck, why are we jumping 16.?
Speaker 1:Because it was already a big jump. It's typically what they do Shut up, you suck point 16. Do I hear 17?
Speaker 3:You went to 16 20 20.
Speaker 1:See I like this guy, 20 going once, 21, 21 for tj, 21 going once, 21 going twice 25 25 for alex 30, 30 for tj 30 going once 35. 35 for Alex 36. 36 for TJ going once 37. 37 for Alex, 38. 38 for TJ, 40., 40 for Alex, 41., 41 for TJ, 45. And, unfortunately, tj, you only have 41 coins left and Alex had 77, so you were never going to outbid him if you won this one. What do you mean?
Speaker 2:Alex, he can see that he's cheating.
Speaker 3:Inside information.
Speaker 1:Inside information Walkie talkie Idiot yeah, this is like communist. You spent that much for a single walkie talkie idiot.
Speaker 2:You spent that much for a single walkie talkie. Who you gonna talk to? Who you gonna fucking talk to Wilson?
Speaker 1:I'm gonna talk to Wilson now dummy we move on to act two, the scenario you wake up in a hospital. Shut the fuck up. You wake up inside a haunted carnival at night. The gates are sealed shut and the only way out is to survive until dawn. But each hour, one part of the carnival hunts you and tries to kill you. Now, before we carry on with that, I have some information to give you guys about your items. Are you ready? Yep, so TJ, the rusty machete grants you one unspookiness, so you get plus one unspookiness.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Now with these items. Let me kind of backtrack for just a second. Let me clarify this is highly reliant on you guys, using these items with your creativity to justify why these items would help you survive. Okay, this scenario. So there are no specific situations to go through? Uh, but you have these items, you will receive these buffs or debuffs on these items and you will then use said items to justify why you would survive this night better than the other person. Okay, using your loadout. So, tj, your rusty machete named cuddles gives you plus one unspookiness Pretty important, alex, your bag of hot Cheetos attracts raccoons and ghost children. Yeah, I do suggest writing these down.
Speaker 2:I'm writing I got my green book.
Speaker 1:Alex, the waterproof tarp I have written down smells like fish. Gross. Go stay away from me because you stink. Number four a solar or sorry, yeah, number four, a solar powered charger. It only works in the sun because the charger is powered solar. So what? It was charged already. It doesn't have a battery, it's just a charger. But it's a solar powered charger, don. It was charged already.
Speaker 1:It doesn't have a battery, it's just a charger, but it's a solar-powered charger. No question of logic. It only works in the sun. The dog with anxiety, tj. This dog can sniff out hidden exits and ghost footprints. Number six, by the way. I have these in green and red, whether they're buffs and debuffs, this is a buff. Who had the left croc, tj. Yep, it's just a croc, but it's a Lightning McQueen croc and it has a Tow, mater gibbet, because that's his best friend.
Speaker 2:Duh.
Speaker 1:And then I guess, Alex, you have the right croc of just Lightning McQueen, but no gibbets, so not as cool. Number seven the 19-year-old grappling hook. There's no rope, so it is literally just a hook on a gun Killer ham. Number eight the emotional support raccoon. This one has a couple things, TJ One it can retrieve small items from locked or cursed areas. It is immune to mind control and capable of holding grudges on your behalf.
Speaker 2:Wait say that again.
Speaker 1:It's immune to mind control and capable of holding grudges on your behalf. Okay, the downsides it may enter a blood feud with animatronics.
Speaker 2:Okay, good to know.
Speaker 1:The can of beans. I just had written down which kinds of beans they were, but you already asked that question. So just to clarify pinto, black and garbanzo, the functional walkie-talkie, it's only the one walkie-talkie. You don't have the set. So with that that, you guys have your notes, you guys have your loadouts. Now would you like me to repeat the scenario, or do you guys? You guys pretty solid on that. Uh, repeat it please. You wake up inside a haunted carnival at night. The gates are sealed shut. The only way out is to survive until dawn, but each hour one part of the carnival hunts you and tries to kill you. How does your loadout help you survive this encounter? And I am Call it.
Speaker 2:I don't have a lot of criteria.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, anybody want to volunteer to go first?
Speaker 2:I mean, he seems more well equipped, totally so I see more well equipped and beans and such.
Speaker 1:You do have a tarp and beans and such I realized, though I don't have a can opener that is actually one of the downsides I had written down for that. I forgot to say there is no can opener yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I could throw it at TJ's raccoon. You could, because my hot Cheetos attract raccoons and ghost children. But I can eat my hot Cheetos in my fish smelling tarp and the ghost children aren't going to come near me, because that's true Gross.
Speaker 1:He does smell like fish Ghosts can't smell.
Speaker 2:The smell goes right through them. This fish smell is pretty putrid. Okay, maybe ghosts like that.
Speaker 1:It literally seeps into the afterlife.
Speaker 3:It says they run away. It repels ghosts. Yeah, pay attention.
Speaker 2:I don't need to pay attention to his shit, you pay attention to my shit.
Speaker 1:Well, why are you paying attention to my shit? Then it might benefit to pay attention to his shit.
Speaker 3:Back off.
Speaker 1:Because he remembered that the Hot Cheetos, what was it Attracts?
Speaker 2:raccoons Attracts your raccoon. Are we in the same?
Speaker 1:place. Well, I mean, yeah, you guys can mess with each other. Like I said later on, you would be able to mess with each other. Now is the time to mess with each other.
Speaker 2:Oh, but you the time to mess with each other, oh well, but you're also trying to survive, okay, so?
Speaker 1:you explain how your items could affect the other slash, make you survive better, okay all right, I think I, I think I could go first okay, all right, I feel like I might go first shut up, you.
Speaker 3:You waited too long present your case so I can't use the solar charger at all. Uh, it's just gonna weigh me down I mean, you could try I paid six coins for absolutely nothing.
Speaker 3:But I do have one functioning walkie talkie now, because it's only the one. That means that when I turn it on, all I get is white noise. Using the white noise, I'm going to wrap myself in this fish-smelling tarp trying to find the ghosts while dropping hot Cheetos around to lure TJ's raccoon to the hot Cheetos. While I'm attracting ghost children toward the raccoon that is true, and I'm going to listen to them on the one walkie talkie white noise trying to communicate with them at least to find out where they are throughout the night so that I can listen in when they are trying to hunt me. And wherever TJ is, I'm going to try to lead his raccoon to the ghosts using my hot Cheetos. Family size pack.
Speaker 3:That is true, true it's a lot of hot cheetos so that I can maneuver away while the ghosts fuck with him and his dog, which his dog has anxiety now I do want to say, um, ghosts are not the only thing at this cursed carnival.
Speaker 1:Uh, this is just an evil carnival in general. So what are some other things that could potentially that that these, this loadout, could potentially help you, uh, survive? Well, what else are there? I mean, let's use your imagination. What else, uh, what, what could you, could you use to prepare yourself? What kind of like? I'm thinking like, you know, there's clowns and there's strong men and there's, you know, there's the, the lion tamer, and it's carnival. It's a carnival. A different part of the carnival is going to come at you every hour. So I'm not asking for like a full, extensive list of everything that's going to come after you, but just like one or two ways that your items can protect you.
Speaker 3:So my can of beans are. I can't open them, so my best bet is to use them as blunt instruments, throwing beans that I can either throw or smack across somebody's head.
Speaker 1:You heard of throwing knives. You ever heard of throwing cans? That's what I'm working on, I'm with it.
Speaker 3:My same kind of concept with the solar charger that only works in the sun. I don't see any other benefit to the solar charger other than I mean it's going to absorb light, so it won't be any kind of a reflector, but it's kind of blunt so I can try to smack something with it. It has a cord on it, unless it's like a fucking USB cord that's just going to fall out. I mean, let's assume it's steady.
Speaker 1:It's a sturdy cord.
Speaker 3:So I can do a little, uh, swing around and whack. It's not very long, but you know it gives me a foot, sure, maybe?
Speaker 3:and uh with your throwing cans, in the other hand with my throwing cans in the other hand, okay, and I'm gonna try to protect my walkie talkie in the event that some of these other things come at me. Um, the other thing, of course, is if a uh, evil clown comes at me, I'm going to try to uh, I'm going to try to maneuver around it. Stick some hot Cheetos in its pants so the ghost children come and attack him. Hmm, solid.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm here for that. Uh, the ghost children will end up turning on their own because they crave the hot Cheetos, and I do agree with that. All right, cheetos, and I do agree with that. All right, tj, explain how your loadout would help you survive various different encounters at a haunted carnival, I mean, like it's haunted right, but my machete gives plus one unspooky. So you're pretty brave.
Speaker 2:It's pretty unspooky to you yeah, like I'm not even stressed about it and I got my raccoon and my dog unless the spooky is plus nine, I feel like
Speaker 1:he did, you did walk in with a whole pack an anxiety dog gets rid of your anxiety, you know.
Speaker 2:So I feel like there it has a, like you know, a buff to yourself when you're in proximity this is a dog with anxiety exactly that's gonna add to your anxiety no, because you're not even stressed about it, because you know you got the plus one unspooky, so you're not even fucking spooked out, you're not even anxious right, so you just got, you know you're just comforting the dog, you're not even worried about it true, okay, here for that, yeah I think that dog would cancel out the unspooky, because that dog would be whining and crying and jittering at every single thing and you're going to have to calm it down every single time.
Speaker 1:I don't know, the rusty machete named Cuddles does make him look pretty tough. What else? What are some other?
Speaker 2:I have a gun. What Grappling hook, right, you do, you do. Yeah, it's basically a fucking gun, it's basically a fucking gun, sure With one round With one round, but I mean one hook, but my raccoon can just retrieve it.
Speaker 1:It can retrieve small items.
Speaker 2:And if I miss, and it goes really far away into a cursed place, he can still go get it.
Speaker 1:That is a very useful use of that. What if it goes?
Speaker 3:out of, except for when it wanders off away from you to go get the hook and it gets distracted by my hot cheetos yeah, you know what that I'm not tj, I kind of unfortunately, I kind of almost just assumed that, you know, because like I, I will get hungry and you know I'm not gonna eat the dog, but raccoon could taste pretty good.
Speaker 2:So I was. I was kind of thinking like like maybe an hour in I would uh use the machete on the the raccoon and eat it you are only here a night? I would, and yet you decided that within the first hour I would probably gain its ability to go into cursed places and have no mind control.
Speaker 1:Um, I think that's actually how it works, so I would like to point out that you are only here a night and after only the first hour, your thought is to kill your raccoon companion and eat it.
Speaker 2:Well, no, he wants it to happen, he's, he's on my side, oh, he's chill like that, he is a very chill raccoon. Okay, basically he is an emotional support and then I kind of just like I was looking at him and then I could have swore he was like take my body. You know, I was like I bet he is an emotional support raccoon.
Speaker 2:And then I told me while he was coming to get the cheetos places that's not what he said, you know I'll have no mind control and I still have my grappling hook and my left croc. Don't even forget about my left croc. I personally, because, like, if there's like weird kid ghosts and shit, they'll be like dude, that's a sick fucking croc dog and then we'll fucking hang out and I can go back to their place because I absorbed the cursed places ability. I can go in there, I can go hang out with the ghost children we'll be fucking shit, they can pet my dog, bro, and I feel like he'd like that.
Speaker 1:You do also have the Tow Mater Jibbit, and that's pretty cool. He has anxiety, that adds, yeah, but that kind of the dog's not going to let ghost children pet it.
Speaker 3:It's going to be like the dog in the Haunted Mansion cowering and shivering and crying.
Speaker 2:I feel like you're thinking of human anxiety, dog anxiety. Is they get?
Speaker 1:freaked out at fireworks so much worse, no, so much worse. Fireworks so much no, no. You freaked out at everything.
Speaker 2:So much worse well, I feel like no, no, no, because, like, hear me out, I've had that's just fear a dog scared of fireworks is just fear, not anxiety I mean it might be a little anxiety at the moment, scared fireworks might happen.
Speaker 1:Well, they're scared of the loud bangs. Yeah, that's what scares me out. Hear me out, hear me out.
Speaker 2:I'm with the dog the entire time, so there's no reason it should have any separation anxiety.
Speaker 1:So who's around. He doesn't have separation anxiety, he just has anxiety.
Speaker 2:Okay, so hang on.
Speaker 1:Who is around this dog? Who's petting this dog? The ghost children.
Speaker 2:What kind is it?
Speaker 1:Just the ghost children. Yeah, all right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we're back at their crib in the cursed places that I absorbed from the raccoon.
Speaker 1:I will say he kind of counteracted your hot Cheetos, since he decided to kill his raccoon companion and eat him and absorb his power, which is pretty sick, if I'm being honest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, except for and I still got my machete and my crock. None of it works that way, and left crock dude.
Speaker 1:It does in this world. It's not a cartoon, it does work in this world.
Speaker 3:You can't absorb your raccoon's powers.
Speaker 1:Okay, I've heard both of your arguments and I will say I think, as of now for now, tj is winning mostly off of eating the raccoon and absorbing its power. That was pretty sick. Now we move on to act three, which I call. But wait, a twist. I need both of you to roll a D6. If you could just look up or ask Google to roll a D6 for you.
Speaker 2:And let me know what you get. Hey Gemini, roll a D6 for me please. Sure thing, shake's imaginary dice you rolled a four. Anything else I can roll for you. All right, roll up a blunt, because I think I just got a duh.
Speaker 3:Are you joking me? What did you roll? Four, he rolled a four. I rolled a four, you rolled a four.
Speaker 2:Look, you see it right there. Four.
Speaker 1:Alright, both roll again. Apparently, I didn't win.
Speaker 2:I need to roll the dice again. Roll a d6 for me. Well, I can't have you guys have the same one and you rolled a 3. Wanna go again.
Speaker 1:That'd be hilarious if you both rolled the same again, but you didn't, okay, so you rolled a 3, tj Alex, you rolled a 6. Hey, chat, this is where I could really use your participation For those listening on the podcast, on the recorded, uh, end of this. That was a weird way of wording that. Um, we go live when we record these every friday evening, usually around like 10, 30 or 11 um, so you should come check us out on the. Will you survive the podcast? Uh, tiktok, where we go live? Um, but I'm to need a little audience participation. Who rolled a three? Tj, I did. We'll start with you, tj.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Number three is plot armor activated. You have activated plot armor Now for the audience. I need you guys to shoot me some ideas that he gets a temporary advantage, some examples he could be immune to ghosts for one hour. He can re-roll a bad item. He can force a trade for items. He could survive one. This doesn't really matter, it's something like that. I would love to see ideas. If you guys don't have any ideas, I will just pick one of those three that I named. One of those three? Did I name three? Yeah, yeah, you made me feel like I didn't name three.
Speaker 3:Let's see. Let's see Chat. You got anything. Who's got the best idea? What plot armor should TJ get for one?
Speaker 1:hour. Tj gets plot armor.
Speaker 3:It doesn't even have to be for one hour, but it is a temporary advantage. A temporary.
Speaker 1:A temporary advantage, a temporary advantage. Okay, you can make one wish and have it be anything anything. Oh wow, tj loses all motion sickness. What? Yeah, I know what do you mean. Loses all motion sickness, he can't get motion sick.
Speaker 3:It's not much of a plot, armor, oh that that's pretty funny actually all right, madison. Madison radka says he can make one wish and have it be anything, quote anything.
Speaker 1:That's not very temporary, but that's the only one we got. So, tj, your plot, armor, is you can have one wish and have it be anything. What is your one wish? You are muted. Oh, I wish that Alex loses the next round. That's okay. Well, that's not very temporary, it has to be temporary. Well, yeah, it's temporary till the round after that. This is going to be a one-round game man. We're already approaching an hour.
Speaker 2:I wish that I have. I wish my machete was not rusted and it gives me a double jump.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you have traded in your rusty machete for a super dope, shiny machete with the ability to give you Mario powers and double jump. I love Mario powers.
Speaker 2:Can I turn into a fucking elephant?
Speaker 1:No, just the double jump. What are we crazy? Let's be realistic.
Speaker 1:Number six for Alex Glitch in the simulation. I need some audience participation here. Reality shifts, the scenario mutates and the audience. You can either decide a completely new scenario for Alex or we can mutate it. Some examples are one that I will pick from, if none are chosen. You could now suddenly be underwater. The animatronics are now animatronic dinosaurs. That's scary. All the lights go out, so it's total darkness, or your survival gear turns into medieval equivalents. What the fuck, yeah, you're supposed to? Alex gets teleported to the back rooms. Oh no, oh no.
Speaker 2:Pleased that one.
Speaker 1:Madison says he is eternally paranoid, but only like slightly. That's me. I like Lewis's suggestion. Reality shifts, alex, and you are now in the back rooms. Do you know what the back rooms is? I do. Okay, you are now in the back rooms. Okay. So with this new information, with these new twists, I will now ask you to re. Uh, what's the word I'm looking for here? Retell me. Why relitigate? Yeah, sure, relitigate, let's be fancy. Why your loadout would help you in these situations, given your new twist, was tj first. Um sure, we can do tj first, since we did you first last time um, so is it gonna like completely reset?
Speaker 2:is my raccoon still alive? Oh, or did I absorb its power? I was going to kill it again anyways.
Speaker 1:Let's completely reset and you can do what you want to do again.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going to immediately kill my raccoon again. Give me its souls.
Speaker 1:It's like a roguelike game now.
Speaker 2:The anxiety dog. We're still chilling. Uh, okay, I will instantly be uh loved and acknowledged by all of the uh spooky performers that are at this. You said it's a like carnival. Yeah, yeah, you know all the all the spooky performers motherfuckers walking on balls and fucking tightropes and shit.
Speaker 3:They will instantly be impressed by my ability to what kind of carnival do you go to?
Speaker 2:You know, there's like the carnival tent with the motherfuckers in there. Shut the fuck up. This is a spooky shit that implies old-timey carnival. Okay, this guy likes guys walking on balls.
Speaker 1:Yeah why don't you step on?
Speaker 3:mine Weirdo, you're weird.
Speaker 1:That was interesting, Bitch. That was interesting. Also worth noting. They do admire your super shiny machete now.
Speaker 2:Yes, and also they admire my ability to do backflips and shit because I have a double jump.
Speaker 1:That is true. That's a pretty carnival move right there. I think that would even impress some ghost carnies. If I'm being honest, I got my left croc and they're like dude, that's the sickest fucking croc I've. You can't even wear it damn life, it doesn't even matter, dude, it's. Have you ever seen the reason I mean?
Speaker 2:croc. The reason it's so cool is because I don't wear it. It is in perfect mint fucking condition, not a crease, crack, speck of dirt on that motherfucker. That is a premium lightning man queen croc with a mater gibbet that I that I got for two coins. Dude, they're gonna, they're like, dude, you fucking, that's a steal right there not only is it cool, but they do admire thrifting.
Speaker 2:So like you know I'm just I'm fucking chilling anxiety dog. You know he's chilling, he's still fucking stressed out, but like I'm there to pet him and do backflips and shit so name one more part of the carnival that could come after you.
Speaker 1:That, uh, that this loadout would help you survive?
Speaker 2:I think it personally, the, the, the haunting, the haunted roller coasters that constantly uh call out to me to uh ride them uh, and in doing so they would steal my soul. Um, can't happen, baby, because I absorbed the, the, the coons powers and I got no mind control dub.
Speaker 1:That is true, no mind control and you can go into curse zones that's, and the animatronics dude.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna jump on them. Bitches like mario, like you said that's pretty strong, uh, let me just make sure I'm not missing anything. Fucking head top bro.
Speaker 1:They're dead um, yeah, actually you also. You absorbed the powers of your emotional support raccoon, um, which means you actually entered into a blood feud with the animatronics. Um, which is like not that great. They're gonna hunt you down for the rest of your life, even once you get out.
Speaker 2:That's fine, I got my double jump.
Speaker 1:You do have your double jump, that is true.
Speaker 2:It's like the immortal snail dude. How are animatronics going to get across the ocean? Take a boat, they could, but do they know how to sail a boat? I don't think so you can get on a ferry that Alex re-litigate. Well Reminder, you're now in the back rooms.
Speaker 3:Because this game is absolute horseshit and I rolled a fucking six and somehow I still got the bullshit fucking deal.
Speaker 2:What I'm going to do is since TJ ate his fucking raccoon and he absorbed his power. Hang on, hang on, hang on. It's okay for those who don't know what the backrooms are.
Speaker 1:Hang on, hang on, hang on, it's okay, it's okay. If you don't know what the backrooms is, go do some research.
Speaker 3:Since you ate your raccoon and absorbed its power, I'm going to put out the fucking family-sized hot Cheetos that attracts you. You are able to enter cursed zones.
Speaker 2:Oh. So you come into the fucking back rooms motherfucker, the back rooms isn't a cursed zone oh, I don't know, that's pretty cursed.
Speaker 1:No, I'm gonna give that to him, it's not a curse bro the lord there's not a curse zone.
Speaker 3:You have been summoned into the back. It is a parallel universe zone you.
Speaker 1:It's a cursed parallel universe. It's not a into the curse parallel universe.
Speaker 2:And no, you're screwed. I did not absorb you, my raccoon, raccooniness, motherfucker I absorbed his powers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you absorbed the raccoon. You, you. The raccoon became a part of you literally not a fucking thing.
Speaker 3:You don't get to, neither are raccoons that uh, avoid curse okay, I eat a piece of salmon.
Speaker 1:Also, I absorb b vitamins I'm not gonna be able to swim upstream the what the fuck? You would. No, if you absorbed the salmon to get its powers, then, yes, you would stream up, you would swim upstream. But also, the bag of cheetos attracts raccoons and ghost children. So now your dog is sad and anxious because it has no ghost children to pet.
Speaker 2:Well, you act like I'm not going to take my dog with me, my anxiety rating dog. You think I'm that horrible of an owner? The dog's coming with me first of all and, yes, the ghost children are coming with me, and he's not immune to ghost children.
Speaker 1:He is not immune to ghost children? Yeah, but he is not immune to those children, those little white bitches from friday, the 13th.
Speaker 2:They're gonna be one, two. Freddy's coming for you in the fucking corner. Bro's gonna be scared to shit, just saying I.
Speaker 3:I feel like you already have the the counter for that, so go on, alex so now that I have uh tj coming into the back rooms and I'm attracting ghost children into the the zone the uh back rooms with him, uh, I am going to cover up with my fishy tarp so that ghosts will stay away from me. Uh, gonna use my functioning walkie talkie in the same manner and try to get a bead on any ghosts or hopefully any other uh alternate dimension beings.
Speaker 1:What are you gonna do that might be in the back rooms with me. He's in the back rooms now. I'm in the back rooms with me. He's in the back rooms now.
Speaker 3:I'm in the back rooms. I don't have animatronics that I know of.
Speaker 1:That's not what he's got to worry about there's demons and shit like that.
Speaker 2:I'm in a blood feud with animatronics. They're following me, they're on their way, but they're after you. You, not me.
Speaker 1:They're after you, so it's more of a problem for you.
Speaker 2:This will be an issue for him.
Speaker 1:No, they got a blood feud with you. Until they kill you, they don't have a problem with him.
Speaker 3:And my perception is so keen that I will find your way that you get in and escape in the same manner you can't even.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I will give him that.
Speaker 3:I would, normally, yes, and you. If there's an entrance that he comes in at, I sneak out in the same portal it is forever shifting, like a maze.
Speaker 1:You don't he fell through the roof is kind of what I'm picturing I'm fucking jumping.
Speaker 3:I use my solar charger to try to throw it out of there so I can climb out. You thaw your way out. Yeah, exactly, that's pretty sick.
Speaker 1:I don't know. That's pretty cool. Um, okay, we've heard the litigation I think.
Speaker 2:I think by that logic I can get out too. So it's like well, you're falling.
Speaker 1:While you're falling out, he's jumping up. But I would say that the the double jump might give you some help in the back rooms, because there's a lot of times where double jump would be very very nice.
Speaker 2:I'm out of the place that I was meant to survive in, so do I inherently just survive? No, you're dead fool well, no, my goal was to survive.
Speaker 3:You should have never you should have never eaten your raccoon, which cannot if I survive, cannot resist hot cheetos. I survived the carnival, his carnival by that, by that logic, I survived well, no, your carnival became the back rooms.
Speaker 1:When you got put into that situation the only way out is to survive until dawn. So I guess the question now becomes are you more likely to survive the back rooms or is alex more likely to survive the carnival? Because you went back to the carnival, that would be the question. And I'm not gonna lie, excuse me, I'm not gonna lie. I think the carnival, uh, given your tarp that keeps ghost children away, um, all ghosts and all yeah, and august, uh, and all the ghost children are with tj and his dog, um, the animatronics have left. Uh, I think. Uh, by calculating these scores, I think alex is the winner here yeah, mother alex is more likely to survive this situation than tj bs due to his brilliant move.
Speaker 2:Goddamn raccoon.
Speaker 1:Uh, because you absorb the powers of the raccoon man. I absorb the powers of the raccoon. Yes, I absorb the powers of the raccoon, but I don't absorb their fucking innate ability to smell fucking Cheetos in a multiversal sense. These hot Cheetos had a power.
Speaker 3:That was its buff To attract raccoons, are you?
Speaker 2:calling me a coon.
Speaker 1:Right now I'm calling you a raccoon because you specifically said that you absorbed the powers of this raccoon the powers. That's not a power. If you're going to get the powers to go into curse zones because you ate this raccoon, then you're going to be attracted by the Hot Cheetos. That's not how it works. I'll amend it. The Hot Cheetos attract raccoons, or those with the powers of raccoons.
Speaker 2:that's literally okay, great love that this guy, just because I'm black, the entire episode, arguing that he absorbs all of the raccoons powers yeah, but doesn't want the one down more the episode, complaining that I absorbed the raccoons powers.
Speaker 3:It's not a power. I tried saving you from your own beast.
Speaker 2:And even when you had another chance, he had to amend the whole rule for your goddamn Cheetos, because he knew that it didn't make sense that I got attracted by it, because I'm not a damn raccoon.
Speaker 1:Who the hell cares about sense. First of all, we're in the back rooms.
Speaker 3:Where does it make sense that I rolled a fucking six and I got no buff?
Speaker 2:at all. No, where does it make sense that you can climb out of the back rooms?
Speaker 3:bro, because I'm a badass, what you can't?
Speaker 1:do a pull-up I can hey. Thanks everybody for listening to this episode no. This was a great episode. It doesn't even make any fucking sense. I'm really happy with this game and I think I'm going to refine it, and you forgot. I have a grappling hook In the back rooms.
Speaker 2:No rope.
Speaker 1:You forgot you had a grappling hook. You didn't mention it. I did Multiple times you. You didn't mention it. I did Multiple times. You just mentioned that you could shoot it and then you said nothing else about it.
Speaker 3:You said you could use the raccoon to track it down which you ate.
Speaker 2:So now, you can track it down. That's true, exactly so I have the ability to recover my own bullet.
Speaker 1:You shoot the grappling hook and then you have to go get it.
Speaker 2:No, but it's like Thor's hammer bro, except the grappling hook calls to me. I shoot that bitch out of the back rooms. I'm out, I fly after it at high speed. No see, alex timed it perfectly that when you were falling through the ceiling he jumped out.
Speaker 1:Okay, but double jump inherently means I can jump midair, not if you're falling, you can't jump.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there are plenty of games where you can jump mid-air, not if you. If you're falling, you can't jump. Yeah, you can't. There are plenty of games you can jump.
Speaker 1:No, you can jump and then you can double jump. But if you're falling you cannot just mid-jump while falling. It doesn't work like that. No game works that way.
Speaker 2:That's game mechanics I will literally find a game, right, find a game where it works.
Speaker 1:Find a game where you can just walk off a cliff and then, specifically, though, he said, you have mario double jump mario, if you walk off a cliff, you cannot jump you fall.
Speaker 2:This guy trying to change all the rules you literally had to have a rule changed for you. What are you talking about?
Speaker 1:no, I was giving the ruling and you wouldn't accept it, so that I changed the law to make it work, because I'm the judge.
Speaker 3:Okay, what are you, america? This episode.
Speaker 1:Yes, the winner.
Speaker 3:I am the winner Of what. Why don't you cry about it? He only won one round.
Speaker 1:How many more rounds do you want?
Speaker 2:Okay, I won one, he won one. It's a fucking tie.
Speaker 1:No, this was all one round, it was just split into three acts.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:That doesn't even make any sense. Only because you lost Alex your winner speech. He was out of Cheetos the first time. How do you Justified? How do you?
Speaker 3:regain Cheetos. No, it all. Reset, it reset. You got your raccoon back, okay so it.
Speaker 2:It's a reset, that means it's a new round.
Speaker 1:No, it resets because this is over. No, I'm done negotiating with you. You lost, suck it up. Winner speech.
Speaker 3:I am so grateful, thank you all for listening to the podcast. Justice has been served. I have won an episode.
Speaker 2:This is a bunch of fucking bullshit, Rightfully so. I mean, you really didn't. Yeah, you had to't. This was a great game host.
Speaker 3:I'd love to play it again, even though you tried stacking it against me. I won't hold that against you.
Speaker 1:It was clever. The D6 had nothing to do with rolling high being good, it was just six random options.
Speaker 2:It's the fucking rolls on your neck, you big bitch Me.
Speaker 3:Yes, I weigh half of what you weigh yes, says this guy Shut up.
Speaker 2:Eric, you weigh half a fucking cricket.
Speaker 1:You're just upset, you lost.
Speaker 2:He weighs half of me. I'm upset that this shit was made to be against me. This whole fucking time you knew who was going to win, because it's rigged. It's rigged against the system.
Speaker 3:Don't eat raccoons. The systematic oppression in this goddamn podcast Systematic oppression. I can't take it.
Speaker 1:I'm being systematically oppressed. Aren't you the one who says warning, I'm black?
Speaker 2:Systematically oppressed. Every now and again he says caution.
Speaker 3:This is all scripted.
Speaker 2:This is all scripted and they made me say that I'm coming out with a fucking eight part fucking series on tiktok, exposing all of this shit it's gonna get a netflix special yeah, it's gonna be like half my face and then like
Speaker 2:half your face it's good oh, that's good all right anyways, fuck this, fuck this. Do you want to read the socials? Fuck this goddamn podcast. Fuck your mama, not you. Eric, you, you. I'm talking to you Audience member who's driving in the car to work right now at 7 in the goddamn morning. Call off and go hang out with your goddamn kids. You fucking bum.
Speaker 1:Damn. I think that might be bad advice, but TJ the socials, you can follow us on. Whatever I meant, alex Forever, anything Go ahead.
Speaker 2:Will you start the podcast? Check us out on Twitter. Hang on the boys, WIS.
Speaker 3:This guy.
Speaker 1:You can check us out on.
Speaker 2:Instagram, Facebook, Google+. We got a Snapchat where we post stuff. We don't have a Snapchat. You can follow our Ubisoft account where we play stuff send us shit on Steam you can send me stuff on Steam. My name is Rogue Sandwich on Steam.
Speaker 3:If you want to send me a gift, hit me up until next time we are going to start a reverse only fans, where we send you nudes and you have to pay us to stop we'll just keep sending you really bad survival advice and you have to pay us to stop. We're going to send you nudes of tj. You have to pay him to stop. We're going to send you zombie nudes. Or you could pay TJ a thousand dollars to get your name tattooed on him.
Speaker 1:Hang on, Wait. Our only fans will just keep sending you pictures of that really long schlong 28 years later, until you pay us to stop.
Speaker 2:And you won't be able to get away from us because we have all of your information.
Speaker 1:We got your email. You can't escape. We have your address.
Speaker 2:We have your wife's maiden name.
Speaker 3:Lewis, we do have a Discord.
Speaker 1:You cannot escape the 28-inch later 28-inch later. Oh, go, follow our Discord. I don't know how to give you that link. Maybe we'll put it in the description of this episode TJ, oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Fuck you, I'm going to put the fucking whole script of Bee Movie as our show notes.
Speaker 1:Next episode that would actually be really funny, but I'm sure he'll put the Discord in the description.
Speaker 2:I will not, and until next time I'm going to put the nutrition facts for fucking Mountain Dew. Baja Blast Shut up, so I can close this episode. Stay alive, you disrespectful little bitch. Stay alive Until next time stay alive, except for you driving to work right now at 7.15 in the morning.
Speaker 1:Don't say that.
Speaker 2:Fuck you. Don't say that, fuck your Nissan. Altima getting on at fucking 30 miles per hour, not speeding up, not speeding up and then merging onto the freeway. Why are you merging onto the freeway at 35 miles per hour?
Speaker 3:It doesn't even make any sense.
Speaker 2:Bro Fucking, get up to 60, you fucking loser.
